Transformers, more than meets the eye, INDEED!
These toys have been devised by evil alien overlords that are hell bent to take over our planet one frustrating afternoon at a time. Somewhere on planet Gargaloth 10, as we speak, tentacled alien scientists are busily creating yet another "Special Edition" Optimus Prime that stands 2 feet tall and is GUARANTEED to take 4 weeks to transform from robot to truck, and 7 weeks to transform back again. The scientists work overtime on other models, like Optimus Prime's best bud Bumblebee and his 27 million different pieces that all fall off at the slightest touch and absolutely refuse to fit together in anything approaching a cohesive car.
Why would they bother to do this, you ask, and not just attack us with their Super Duper Laser Cannons mounted to their Mega Mega Class Star Cruisers? Ah, that's the true GENIUS part of this overall plan! They do this to keep us all busy transforming these things for our kids, while they take over the planet all while we're too busy transforming these very clever toys. Do you see it now? All that simple genius? No human could POSSIBLY create something this hideous and torturous to the human adult brain.
See, they don't need to spend the incredible resources on making more Mega Mega Class Star Cruisers, all that they need to do is spend the resources on DESIGNING the toys, send the plans down to Hasbro (which is actually OWNED by the evil alien overlords!), and we do the rest of the work of turning our brains into mush trying to transform these evil, evil toys.
You would think while we are preoccupied transforming these things and with evil alien overlords taking over our planet that our kids would notice something and alarm their parents of the impending doom. Of course they would! If only the evil alien overlords didn't have a plan for this as well! You see, those same aliens have been in charge of Hollywood for DECADES and have prepared our kids with movies that contain tons and tons of special effects. The kids would look up and see their favorite Power Ranger spaceship flying overhead and they would just think it was even more special effects! They would think nothing of it!
What about our little princesses, you ask? They aren't interested in stupid boy toys like this! That's got to be a HUGE oversight by the evil alien overlords, and it WOULD be if not for Mattel being a part of this evil plot. Oh no, Mattel has had a chunk of this all along as well. Where do you think Barbie CAME FROM? People have been saying for YEARS that Barbie doesn't even look human. The proportions are all wrong! Who do you think would create something like this except for alien scientists that aren't used to seeing humans! We're busy buying, buying, buying Barbie stuff, and we just aren't paying attention to the sky at ALL. Next thing you know, you're in some sort of alien zoo!
But it's not too late! We can act NOW. Don't accept brain numbing toys! Buy BORING toys for your kids and save our planet!
What's that princess? You want ANOTHER Barbie? Okay angel, I'll go to Toys-R-Us RIGHT NOW....
Now speak up, what toys do YOU think have been created by the evil alien overlords to mush up our brains for their eventual takeover of our planet? Don't be shy! Our planet is at risk here!